I never asked you to take care of me. You told me if I ever needed help, you’d always be there for me. I swallowed my pride to ask you, & I rarely ever came to you for help. You didn’t even keep your word. Please don’t make me seem like I’m the worst person in the world, because I never made you seem like one, even though you came close. I’m not going to talk bad about you, I don’t care about you anymore. I only have one last thing to say to you. 

Goodbye. Stop blaming me for your insecurities. 

I believe it is both possible and impossible for a man and a woman to be just friends. One person may not feel anything, but the other does. It may be once upon a time, or secretly, or with courage, openly. Sometimes we lead people on without knowing that we do. Sometimes someone just takes an act of kindness as an act of affection. I believe it’s possible if you both have the same mindset, but it’s also impossible because you both have the same mindset.

It’s both possible and impossible all at the same time.

I’ve never forced myself to write. I always let it flow. I don’t know how anybody does it. I know if I forced myself, it’d be half-assed, and I don’t do anything half assed. Writing has always been my therapy. It’s free, can happen anywhere, on anything, and it’s like releasing your heart and soul out on paper.

I needed you. You weren’t there for me.

You promised me. 

I cannot blame you, you were never good at keeping promises. Why make compromises if you can’t meet them. All you ever saw were the cons in promises so you strayed away because you were too afraid to see the pros & stepped off premises. Such a shame, you were supposed to be my friend, even if we didn’t talk much, anymore. But even friends have an ending. 

Cry me two tears in a bucket.

Then kick it to the curb, to the same curb you kicked our friendship to when your new friendship bloomed into a relationship. The person you’re with is no flower, but I’ll let you learn that on your own. You keep giving the essentials for your newly planted seed to grow, but it was always one sided. Why can’t you see that? I’m just looking out for you— I’m not one of the pests trying to destroy your growth. You were the only fertilizer, shouldn’t it be a team work thing? But hey, I’m no gardener. I can’t tell you how or give you the essentials to make your seed grow and blossom into something bigger. Just like a therapist, I can only listen and hope you take my advice, but I can’t advise you enough to protect you.

Envy?

Please. What I feel for you is nothing more than mere sorrow. I hope for sunshine, not rain. 

Keep on fertilizing, you’ll see one day that she’s been flirting-&-lying. 

I should have kept my contacts in so I could have seen what kind of person you truly are. It’s like I lost sight of you and I lost sight of myself along the road to a better view… The road was hazy, but seemed to be so clear, I thought I had you, the light, to guide me through, but you alone, were the reason for all the haze along my road to a better path, a better view. I thought you were one of the best to have by my side.

I stopped wearing them and it seems I took my minds’ contacts as well, because I fell right into your deception and I am smarter than that, to be easily fooled—but I was a fool, fooled by you. I wear them all the time, now, to keep my sight intact, so if you ever contacted me again, I won’t fall for your counterfeit personality. From my perspective, you are deceptive.

Lies on top of lies. Lies the naked eye cannot see, but the mind could—if you had the contacts for it in.

Still, it’s my word against yours, the girl who is supposedly the biggest backstabber; the devil, versus the girl who seems so innocent; the victim. I don’t need anyone’s consent to put in my two cents; I want to protect people from you, that was my purpose all along. I can’t put up with you anymore. All the make-up you pile on misleads the people away from your true personality and leads people into thinking you’re a true lady. How shady, how deceptive, how discombobulating.

You were extremely prominent throughout the years; you loved the attention. Maybe it was never your intention to instigate everything, then keep your persona intact with your equivocations. Maybe one day, the longer you are intact with your friends, they will find their minds’ contact, find sight, lose your powerful mind control and look at my perspective, their perspective, and realize with their minds’ eyes, who you truly are. 

Until then, my sight will remain intact as long as I keep my contacts in. I’ll be able to look at every view, 360 degrees without the haze, in case you want to come back in my life, contact me, and put me in a daze. That, I will not allow once more. 

Alas, I bid thee adieu. 

Farewell.

When you type down your thoughts, someone may not be thinking the same thought you were. Some may understand, some twist what you typed. It makes it hard to voice out my opinion without someone turning it into something I am not. Alas, that is the internet. I don’t care who reads my thoughts. I don’t care what people think of my thoughts. I never did. I just want them to be heard. Years of keeping my feelings bottled in did a lot of damage. Releasing them feels.. good. 

Must you be so different from what I am used to? Though, it isn’t a bad thing. I love the way you treat me. You don’t chase after me like every guy I’ve ever met, but you still show me affection. Not too much, not too little. Just right. It’s nice to know you pay attention to me. You know how I feel about you by the way I treat you. I love that you don’t take me for granted either. It’s been a year and I have not once felt that way.

I love you.